It’s because I know my wife. He needs to learn her likes and her dislikes so he can better minister to her. Why is it that our teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage differs so greatly from that of our Lord? She does this by preaching at him, sometimes condemning his life of sin. “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Pet 3:4). He says that the wife mirrors Christ and the man mirrors God. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. Some qualities that characterize a Christian Marriage are: Covenant: A Covenant relationship differs from a contractual one. The husband dwells together with his wife. A godly wife will make an effort to have close relationships with your circle of influence. Later developments seem to establish the fact that Leah was God’s preference while Rachel was Jacob’s. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner. It was Leah who was buried in the cave of Machpelah, beside Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah (49:31), while Rachel was buried along the way to Bethlehem (35:19). Shared hope in the gospel. We are going to order out. Nashville: Thomas Nelson. It is true that women have typically been the most spiritual partners in marriages. If God calls the brick and the vase to dance, which vessel is typically going to get hurt? Dream and pray and seek counsel about the characteristics you should be looking for in a potential spouse, and then resolve not to settle for less. A Godly man is someone who is going to treat you like the jewel you are. Christian may exhibit some of these characteristics, in the final analysis he cannot be a godly individual and therefore the single person must avoid him or her as a life partner. I believe that Proverbs teaches us that we can tell much about the character of a person by observing his relationship to his parents. The husband, instead of being lethargic or oppressive, he actively caters to the spiritual needs of his wife. because it is a sign of God’s love made real in this world through the couple’s generous love and sacrificing for each other and for the world. How else does the husband dwell with his wife according to knowledge? But should this come as a surprise? A GODLY WIFE IS GODLY. A lot of these jobs today will not let you be home. Isn’t this true to life? The husband is growing in knowledge of his wife and the Word of God. Godly friends find true happiness in each other’s happiness, always cheering the other on … We have learned to respect and honor our differences. Paul says very clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This also looks back at the temptation of the woman to change her husband by her incessant words and probably complaints (1 Pet 3:1). The husband is not at home. With that said, this makes this one verse so important for us to hear, and even though it’s only one and the ladies get six, it is a verse that is loaded, and we need to focus on it. I like to sneak Saiyah ice cream when Momma is not around. If we have these qualities, and they are increasing in us, we have evidence that we have come to know God and bear the fruit of a child of God. Here in this text, the primary way the husband loves his wife is by washing her with the Word of God. Application Question: What are your thoughts and feelings about the submission of the wife to her husband? But I believe that it is a biblical principle (and one that is evident in life) that no man is fit for authority who has not learned to be subject to it. A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity (17:17). The picture painted of such a marriage is deliberately bleak. 1999] THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF MARRIAGE: COVENANT RELATIONSHIP 127 mous in their definitions. These are highlighted by contrasting the moral flaws of a woman who is far from virtuous. Don’t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Within a half hour, the husband became deeply convicted of his wickedness, and especially of his heartless treatment of his wife. You must be lighter, darker, tanner, skinnier, have these kind of eyes, this kind of nose. And the wife submits to him as the church should submit to Christ in everything, unless her submission would cause her to disobey God. Christian Couples Counselors will likely hold the belief that the power for change in the relationship comes primarily from the couple’s relationship with Jesus. A wise husband fears God and is obedient to His Word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30). You might think God is a certain way or that he wants you to love this person in a certain way, but if you violate what God has said in his word you are missing the mark of glorifying God. In some jobs, it is almost impossible for a husband to be at home, and that includes the pastorate. Paul makes the argument in 1 Corinthians 11 that women should wear a sign of submission and submit to their husbands by calling the women to look at the Trinity. When the home is in disorder, it mars the gospel and it mars the image of God. She bears up under hardship and is gentle in her responses. Types of Christian Friendship . A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. The breaking of the marriage covenant is a sin against a companion, a close and intimate friend. The husband needs to learn and study Scripture in order to be obedient to God. Sarah, Abraham’s wife, has always struck me as being cranky and bossy. A godly marriage is not like this. 3. But in the meantime, seek to commend the truth, not by reproaching them on account of their behavior toward you, but by manifesting toward them the meekness, gentleness and kindness of the Lord Jesus Christ.2. The approach of this study will be to consider the various lines of evidence which give us a composite picture of the character of the godly mate. I doubt that Abigail had much to say in the choice of this man as her husband. A wise husband has a gentle tongue (12:18; 15:1-2,4). A GODLY WIFE IS GODLY. But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. Peter also attempts to correct the common scenario of how a woman should react if she was married to a husband who had not yet come to Christ. In this verse, he gives men a secret on how to love and better serve their wives. To their surprise, the preacher leaned over the pulpit and spoke directly to the widow. Maybe the husband will go shopping with the wife or watch the Home TV Network. Intimate relationships are yoking relationships; they pull us in a certain direction. Thank them for what they do. Any man who is not a good son will not be a good husband. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. A wise husband is generous (14:21; 28:27). 1. In fact, they choose not to store up riches because it protects their heart (Matt 6:19–21), for they realize where their treasure is, their heart will be also. Jacob favored Rachel over Leah, not because of her character, but because of her looks and her personality (29:17). Scripture calls us to a higher model which is God’s original plan for the man and the woman. But Peter teaches that beauty is not the primary way to honor your husband. Proverbs does not recommend it. She is sometimes referred to as a “strange woman,” that is a foreigner, one who has no knowledge of the God of Israel (cf. This message is important not only for married couples, but also for singles who will one day be married. One of the first elements of a relationship is usually common interests. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack, of gain. 1 Peter 3:7. Let us be careful to seek to preserve the purpose of God for marriage and not to promote the exceptions. The tragedy of this marriage is turned around in the account recorded in 1 Samuel 25, however, for the Lord takes the life of Nabal and Abigail becomes David’s wife. Peter says the husband must “live with” his wife as seen in the ESV. “Be considerate” in the NIV is better translated “dwell with them according to knowledge,” as seen in the KJV. Let us seek it for ourselves, and encourage other believers to seek it also. How can Christians marriages protect themselves from this shallow focus on the external? “Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with caresses For the man is not at home. Making family time a top priority. One might think that the authors of Proverbs were somewhat cynical about marriage, having much more to say about its dangers than its delights. I think not. 20:5). It’s not necessarily bad. We must remember, however, that this book was written primarily to young men (“my son,” cf. Matthew 18:19–20. Through personal coaching with me, I help you step into the unique way God created you to shine. In fact, it might have been considered a blessing for her to have been taken in one of the disasters that wiped out his children and his flocks. This is a relationship based on ministry, similar to the kind Jesus had with his disciples. They want to show their wealth by having the most expensive car, the most luxurious TV sets and the nicest homes. But even the wisest man on earth would never come close to being as wise as God. Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course. Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (27:17). After serving them, she went off to her room. 1 Teacher’s Outline and Study Bible – Commentary – Teacher’s Outline and Study Bible – 1 Peter. 1 Cor. 8. Jacob, on the other hand, chose a wife for himself. Fair weather friends are numerous, and Proverbs mentions these (cf. I try, sir, to show him that when I became a Christian, I became a better wife and a better mother.”, The consequence of this was that, while the husband could withstand all the preaching of the missionary, he could not stand the practical preaching of his wife, and gave his heart to God with her. The response of the disciples of our Lord is significant: “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry” (19:10). Listen to Ephesians 5:25–27. Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion; the LORD will make their scalps bald.” In that day the Lord will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings, the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls. May God guide us in this crucial study. What should we be aiming for when we are looking for a wife or a husband for those who are single? The wife submits to the husband, and it’s transformative. Related Topics: Christian Life, Marriage, Men's Articles, Women, Greg Brown earned his MA in religion and MA in teaching from Trinity International University, a MRE from Liberty University, and a PhD in theology from Louisiana Baptist University. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Proverbs implies that the influence of the home has a great deal to do with a child’s success in life as a partner in marriage. Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (27:9). What are the 7 traits of a healthy relationship? Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Why or why not? It means “power under control.” One commentator translated this beatitude as “Blessed are those who are always angry at the right time, and never angry at the wrong time.”4. He essentially says the life of submission which was God’s perfect plan for the wife is so beautiful, so saturated with the gospel, that it could save the husband without a word. If you will recall, it was the Pharisees who asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce for any cause at all (Matt. We need to honor the delicateness or the strength of the other vessel. I want to eat the leftovers that have been in the fridge for a week, and my wife wants to throw them away. She is “as rottenness in his bones” (12:4). They pray for souls to be saved together, people to be healed, finances to come in to help people, and this godly couple is seeing answers to their prayers. Make this year the one in which you decide to make your relationship with God your #1 priority. The husband should intently study his wife. That, to me, is a very sad commentary on contemporary Christianity. When God made mankind, he made a relationship between the husband and wife that was “one” like the Trinity, coequal like the Trinity, and had authority in it just as the Trinity. Satan is the ruler of this world, the ruler of this wicked age, and he knows what he is doing. Peter aims to correct that. And we would do well to marry one who offers wise counsel as well. The wife tries to make the husband more feminine. This is most clearly shown by contrast with the woman of folly who is an adulteress. When Eve sinned, Adam was supposed to be like Christ and die in her place. When the Christian home operates like this, people see the beauty of the gospel. And in order to do this, men must be at home. She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (31:26). 29). The husband controls and dominates the wife. 4. For those of us who are married, what does Proverbs have to teach us, since we have already made our choice? Because of this pride, God judged the women of Israel. _________________________________________________. We are the brothers of Jesus Christ! This cannot be compromised or worked around. One purpose for dealing with the dangers of marriage is to warn those who would enter into marriage casually, without serious consideration of the consequences of their decision. Robert L. (Bob)Deffinbaugh graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary with his Th.M. So I next looked to the Second Restatement of Contracts and an English dictionary: "A contract is a promise or a set of promises for the breach of which the law gives … Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. The husband must honor these differences, rather than beleaguering them, which is very common in marriage. I find it distressing to admit that much of the force of the warnings of Proverbs concerning marriage has been nullified by a fact of 20th century Christian life--divorce has become an acceptable alternative to an unhappy marriage, even among Christians. *It should be added that this text should not be used for females or males to consider dating or marrying unbelievers. While we should seek those with the above-mentioned qualities to be our friends, we must also shun those who have characteristics which would hinder our walk in wisdom. He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him (27:14). Look at Ephesians 5:22–26. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. It is important for women to be in relationships with men who are respectful and glorify God. In stark contrast, godly friends rejoice in each other’s achievements, successes and blessings. 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